The first Tragically Hip song that I memorized in highschool was ‘Nautical Disaster’ and it has remained my favourite Hip song for that reason.
What if that applies to our relationships? The person that we memorized – their attitude, actions, words, treatment of us…. What if the reason that we stay with them is because they are memorable to us?
Seems like a hollow reason to stick around. The familiarity of a person is never enough to justify putting up with their abusive conduct. All that happens is that their behavior alters us if we don’t release the pain, and they continue on acting dysfunctional for the rest of their life.
It doesn’t matter if someone is a family member or a love interest – there are no longer any excuses for their toxic behavior. Take the power back from them by walking away. They’ll be left on their own with no one else’s energy to sustain them.
Our lives are so multilayered that when it seems we’re upset with one thing- we’re actually upset over something else entirely. When we think that we’re mad because someone said something unkind to us – it’s really that we’re angry we didn’t set firmer boundaries with them. If we continue to make excuses for them in our mind, then our mind will eventually turn against us. It will convince us that all of the issues are our fault. When we’re really deep into another’s abuse cycle our mind will tell us that we deserve the ill treatment. There’s always a way out. Our need to give ourselves freedom has to outweigh our need to continue to punish ourselves to make the narcissist happy.
Happiness will never come from settling for what we think we deserve. Inner contentment will come from requiring that instead of life taking from us – it gives to us….
“It’s not a deal…nor a test…nor a love of something fated.” (Nautical Disaster)