When I’m alone, in my head, I dream about moments that have never happened; moments that make me feel glamorous and desired. I listen to music through headphones and remember past loves. Loves I may have spent time with, and loves that I didn’t.
What do we do with all of our feelings for this person? Where do we channel them? They stay locked in our private safe, and most of the time we forget…until we don’t…and then we do again. Love is a fixed thing, it never goes away. To mentally deny it is to push it deep down. It eventually pops up and we have to look at it again. I think this is a part of life. It can’t be only me who goes through waves of old and new love.
Sometimes I miss them so much it is hard to breathe – like they’re pulling my breath from me wherever they are; urging my essence to follow them through their lives. Maybe I have a light grip on their centers, and I am carrying them gently in my life. It’s possible they don’t even remember my name. Life can be funny like that.