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Musings, Humanity

How Often Do Goals Set Us Up For Harsh Self Judgement?

Sometimes setting goals get us to a place of achievement. A lot of the time goals set us up for disappointment. We drown in the “shoulds” when we don’t fulfill our plans. When can we just live?

Maybe we can all let go of the expectations of what we should achieve, and just enjoy the life we’re living…stop measuring ourselves by what we eat…stop hating ourselves for missing a day, or week, or month of exercising.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, and we need to stop comparing ourselves to what we once looked like. I was in top form at 34 when my youngest was 12 months old. Picture perfect. At 40 I feel like I should still look like that woman.

The thing is though – that woman was just a young woman compared to me now. At 40, I’m a fierce advocate for my daughters. I know who I am and what I require from life. I happen to have unwanted pudge around my middle, but I don’t want to eat a strict diet and not enjoy wine and desserts. I want to accept my physical self as it is now, and enjoy the richness of life.

Less rules. No comparisons. Sure, I can no longer fit into my size 4 clothes, but do you know what I can do? I can talk about physics and theories about why we exist. I can talk about Archaeology and Paleontology. I can debate the nuances of the illusion / matrix / hologram theories. I can name constellations and discuss the various nebulas. I can make multiple meals at the same time for picky eaters, and unwind a child from a meltdown – without losing my cool. I can homeschool my daughter and run a household while having almost no energy every day.

I can do all of these things while refusing to believe that what society deems important has any validity for me. The need to: be busy to prove self importance, be in shape, balance all aspects of daily life, never misspeak, never make mistakes, have an organized decorated home with all the latest trends, have walls of shoes, what have you….

Perhaps others will also decide to step outside of the expectations of society, family, the opposite sex, and most importantly step away from their own self judgments that are depleting their creativity and self love.

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