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    Hardening myself for this life is a waste of time….

     

    I’m tired of feeling hardened. This life shouldn’t be lived in survival mode.

    How much of my relationship failures were based on my inability to open up because of my protection of my heart? I mentioned before that as a child I trusted no one, and because of that I kept my heart closed. Except to my little sister – I would protect her from anyone at any age that I was. I felt like an adult at age 3 and that wasn’t easy. I’m laughing at age forty-one which is approaching next month – I’ve got this. I’ve felt 41 forever, and soon I’ll be able to live it.

    My heart is open to my daughters, and I hope that they can keep their hearts open to me. I’m a safe place. I understand them in ways that they can’t even imagine yet.

    I opened my heart twice, and it was crushed. So if I were a cynic, I would remain closed down. That’s not me though. If I met two men who had enough depth to captivate me then there are more out there. Statistically it has to be true.

    Generally speaking, most people that I meet don’t have any idea of what I’m talking about. I tend to look at the world differently. Perhaps someday I’ll meet an intellectual equal of the opposite gender, who can make me laugh, and we can have long philosophical conversations. 

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