Musings, Humanity

    The chasm of divorce….


    Being in the throws of separation and divorce is like standing on the precipice and looking down at the ravine. Feet are firmly pressed into the ground, but the gust from any harsh comment could potentially tip you forward.

    I have no desire to be nudged off of my feet by words so I remain planted. No stubbornness, just the understanding of what my daughters truly need – so I stay firm in my intentions.

    Kindness for all involved is always at the forefront of my mind, but I have moments when I verbally snap back. Constant misunderstandings try my patience.

    It’s tough to stay in a meditative state when someone is repeatedly assuming the worst about you.

    Perception is malicious. A quiet voice whispering into our ears to keep us in perpetual verbal battle. The ego loves to inflict havoc. Loves it. So the solution is to step outside of that control and create a life on our own terms. A life where we are complimented on our efforts. One where we have space from being challenged by an onslaught of contempt.

    Every time we stand up for ourselves – in a respectful way – we’re shutting down the ego…moment by moment. Over time it’ll disappear completely, but until then it’s up to all of us to remain considerate even in the toughest times.

    So I’ll continue on mothering, writing, meditating, exercising and eventually I’ll be on the other side of all of this. The ravine will disappear, and I’ll dance across the lush green grass of the plane, perhaps picking wild flowers as I pirouette….my long curls wrapping themselves around my face and then floating free as I spin.

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  • Reply Steve Bell

    Jenny- I’m so sorry. I have several friends who’s marriages have come apart and so I’ve witnessed up close just how complicated and uniquely painful that kind of suffering is.

    One of the reasons (I think) is that marriage is a profoundly social affair that casts a wide net and establishes a matrix of relationships around it. When the marriage crumbles… everyone in that matrix suffers. And of course, everyone suffers according to whatever level of ego maturity (or lack of maturity) they’ve managed to develop. And their responses, for good or for ill, reflect that.

    However, as most of the people’s pain in that matrix relates to one or both in the central couple, the couple’s pain relates to everyone in the matrix, on top of the profundity of suffering that exists between them. So…it’s enormous. And dizzyingly complex.

    To maintain composure and grace and dignity—even in the face of contempt, as you’ve set out to do, is to invite and promote healing. Of course you can’t do that all the time, and you shouldn’t expect otherwise. But, as you have already stated…there is the “other side.” You know it because you can already dimly perceive it. And you will get there. And there will be dancing.

    I am one who prays. And I presume to feel like a very distant but kindly uncle. And I will pray for you, and for your girls, and for those around who have to find their way through their own valley.

    February 28, 2019 at 5:58 am
    • Reply Jenny

      Thank you Steve for your kind words. I’m not religious but I appreciate your prayers – I need all the good energy I can get.

      March 1, 2019 at 6:59 pm

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