Silly me, I tried to fit my personal direction into another’s plans for their life. That never goes well.
I need to stay on my own path. My rules. My plans. My way.
The spirit in this body has a purpose. I won’t intermingle with someone else’s goals. It’s tough when the heart gets involved. Oh, how to unravel the heart…. My intellect is easy to retract. My wishes are also simple to reabsorb. The heart is it’s own entity. So hard to take that back….
Watching the fire dance makes me feel warmth and sadness. Soon I’ll be moving and I don’t know when I’ll have a fireplace again. To continue on my path I have to let it go. I have to let it all go.
I’m taking the basic necessities and my daughters most enjoyed possessions – that’s all we need. Belief in a positive future, joined hearts, and lots of hugs.
Candlelight will sustain me – it’ll remind me of my inner light. My ‘Lake’ sign will remind me of how much I enjoy living in the Okanagan. I’ll remember why I moved away from the coast. How that was a leap of faith to move somewhere new.
I’ll place fresh flowers in my daughters bedrooms just as I used to – something from nature to make them feel cherished. Even when they were preschoolers they always had a mini vase of flowers that I arranged for them. No more sitting through lectures about spending money on things that aren’t important. Doing little things for others will always be significant.
It’s time to live my life for myself – completely rejecting the expectations of anyone else including family. Only I know my own mind, and my reasoning for making decisions. I parent my girls based on their individual needs and my complete understanding of what will help them flourish. No one on the outside has the right to offer any opinions. No one. Related to us or otherwise. I’ll shut down self-righteousness on the spot. I won’t allow for another’s ego to tell me what to do.
If I come across as angry I’m not. Well maybe I’m a little tense. This world is a lot to handle on a good day. I’ve just had enough of other people attempting to tell me that I’m doing things wrong. Nope. I can’t be controlled.
So I’ll continue to stay on my current path and reevaluate if necessary. Flexibility with change is so important.
“For a good life we just might have to weaken…and find somewhere to go…Go somewhere we’re needed…Find somewhere to grow…Grow somewhere we’re needed.” (The Tragically Hip, ‘It’s A Good Life If You Don’t Weaken’)