Reflections on being 40….

    Exhausted but I put on lipstick…


    I was a young woman before and thought I was a whole woman. I’m a complex woman now and you will not bleeping shut me up. I say what I mean, and know my own mind. I wrote a post when I had just turned 40 and this is a snippet of what I said then:


    “I am myself.
    No confusion.
    Rely on myself.
    Communicate indefinitely.
    I see into everyone. I have no time for insecurities.
    I want to live my 40’s with grace. Face the darkness. Delve into the muck.
    Release the old. Be the light. I waited 39 years for someone to get me. I get me. That’s enough.”


    Now I’ve completed my fortieth year. It was a year of witnessing injustices. It’s enough now. Looking at my list of what I wanted to live for 2018, I see that I did face the darkness and delve through the mud. Face down in the mud over and over and I got up again and again.  I’ve been the light for family and friends. I’ve been there for people who needed me without question. I’ve relied on myself through so many hard days.

    I’ve let go of the people who weren’t appreciative of me. I’ve said, “no” to things that I didn’t want to do. I let go of burden and guilt. I don’t know if I lived 40 with grace…but I’ll try to for my forty-first year. 

    I’m enough for myself and that’s all that’s important. 

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