Sirius happiness….

    Ava’s watercolour painting…the planets


    The perfect music for the end of a relationship is by Blue Rodeo…of course.

    “I never meant to make you cry…and though I know I shouldn’t call…it just reminds us of the cost…of everything we’ve lost…bad timing that’s all…” (‘Bad Timing’)

    No more tears will fall someday. Not this week for me, but someday. Trust me, I detest country music but they get me every time.

    I can see the life that I’ll live with my daughters. I can almost grasp it…it’s just out of reach right now.

    Freedom and happiness – so clear.

    More and more I’m smiling each day. Funny comments from my witty 3 year old nephew make me laugh. Hugs from Ava and Maddie help recharge me. Drops of wisdom about love from my 6 year old nephew make me smile.

    People are seemingly complex, but really all we want is to be loved for who we are. Even if it’s messy right now – because one day it won’t be. When we’re “in it” we’re in it. Hopefully we mature, and use the knowledge gained from the period of emotional hell to be better people.

    You know, I look out my window at the night’s sky when I’ve finally gotten my kids to sleep, and there’s Sirius glimmering like a diamond. I think every night – I can do this. If that binary star cluster can shine and dance after millions of years then I can too. Too bad I can’t reach into the darkened sky and grab it to put into a ring…it looks like a gemstone. Forget real diamonds – I don’t care about the man-made importance put upon that stone.

    So back to Blue Rodeo…I saw them in concert ten years ago and it was one of my favourite evenings. My sister and I sat in the Malkin Bowl and sang our hearts out. I may have teared up but that’s neither here nor there….

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